To Weather The Storm
by Captain Protonn
Summary: What happens when a huge storm hits? who will drown and who will live?
1. Chapter 1

**To Weather the Storm**

Lara sat silently at the kitchen table sipping her coffee. She had just finished a full plate of omelette, pancakes, waffles, eggs, toast, topped with a strawberry danish and a cherry. Oh and don't forget the peanut butter, she smothered everything with peanut butter.

This just proves that when you put up with a bunch of men, you've gotta eat like one too.

Lara spilled a few drops of coffee on the floor when she heard the stampede. Speaking of men . . . .

Dahak floated into the kitchen first, making sure to show off his evil demeanor by setting the door frame ablaze so no other hungry soul may pass.

"Jesus Dahak! Every morning! Every Flippin morning!" Hawkeyes muffled voice yelled from the other side of the burning door. He threw his arms up in frustration.

Another muffled voice, this time Kurts, told him not to take the Lords name in vain.

A card floated into Laras coffee mug from the chandelier. Lara jumped up, expecting an explosion.

"GAMbit! I told you NOT- . . . .!" The explosion never came. Lara stalked back to her mug and picked out the now slightly coffee stained card . . . . It was. . . . PLUMPY!

She shrieked and ran into the next room.

Up on top of the Chandelier a sleeping Jarems hand puppets high fived.

By this time the fire had burned the door to ashes and was now spreading to the kitchen table. Ares walked through the fire, casually opened the cabinet, and grabbed a plate.

" AH, AH, AHHH! Uncool, UNCOOL!" Harper screamed as he panicly ran around the living room with a burning jacket.

"Serves him right trying to immitate a so-called God." Hawkeye said as he passed by into the kitchen.

" Harper Stop! you have to calm down and stop running, you're only feeding the fire oxygen! You have to smother it out!" Ant-Man explained trying to help.

Harper started rubbing his back up, down and all around against a wide-eyed trying-desperatley-to-get-away Iolaus II. Then he switched to rub his front. " How bout this! Is this right?!"

"Uhh . . . acually that looks . . ." Ant-Man tried to search for an appropriate word to describe the scene.

T'Challa walked up behind him. " Disturbing?" He offered.

" Yes, to put it mildly, it's . . . . . disturbing."

Iolaus II pinwheeled his arms around wildly as he also caught fire.

A few excruciating minutes later water splashed through the room onto the two unfortunate burning guys, and also soaking Ant-man and T'Challa. Two more splashes followed to finally put out the fire, then four and three quarters more unecessary splashes just for the heck of it.

Hercules stood there. " Sorry it took so long, couldn't find any water. Joxer not only managed to clog up the sinks but the tubs too. So I brought the fridge."

Hercules patted the fridge next to him. Water leaked from the water filter he had had to break soaking the rest of the living room.

Iolaus twitchily ran in. " I've got it Herc! I've got that bucket of water you needed!" Before anyone could respond he flung another unecessary bucket of water splashing all over Harper and Iolaus II, some splashed onto T'challas leg. He silently looked down at it.

Iolaus II wiped water from his eyes. " If the sinks are clogged, and Hercules has the fridge, where did you get that water?"

Iolaus shrugged. " From the toilet."

Iolaus II grimaced as Harper flopped his shirt up and down so he could hear the funky sucking noises it made. T'Challa once more stared down at his leg.

Ant-Man broke the awkward silence. " Um I'm going to get a bowl of Fruit loops." He quickly departed. He was followed shortly by Herc and Iolaus in deep conversation about rabbit for breakfast. Herc had lifted the fridge and was carrying it back where it belonged.

Harper howled " CoooOOOOOooookie Krisp!" then disappeared into the kitchen.

With all the fires finally doused people were acually managing to scrounge up some breakfast. Gambit walked in the back door with a large Mcdonalds Fries. Lara, who was lounging in an armchair, looked up from the book she was reading. _How to Look Interested When You're Not _quite a good book acually.

"When did you ever leave?"

"Early." He popped a fry into his mouth. "Want one Chere?" He held one out.

Lara shook her head " Nah, I had a big breakfast."

"Suite yourself." He then charged the fry with energy and flung it into the kitchen.

Joxer was talking to kurt, who seemed to be the only one who bothered to listen.

" My hat protects me from the biggest monsters, I fight them alot, helping Xena and all, it's pretty awesome really." He held out his hat for kurt to see. " Xena needs me ya know." Then the McDonalds fry landed in the hat.

Joxer looked exited. He usually always eats last ,along with Iolaus II, because the more aggresive guys won't allow him near the toaster. " Ooh look a fry! anything that glows like that has got to be good for me!" He reached for the fry.

Kurt reached it first. " No! Don't you dare touch that fry!" ***Poof*** He teleported with it outside leaving a confused Joxer alone.

"Weeell someones a bit touchy this morning."

There was a loud ***BOOM*** then a ***CRASH*** from the side of the house. Kurt slid unnoticed down a window.

Ant-Man sat at the somewhat charred kitchen table trying to eat fruit loops and write a scientific report on termites at the same time.

Hawkeye waved from across the room then hurried over to grab the seat across from the very distracted Ant-Man.

"Hey Hank."

Hank didn't stop writing.

" Yoohoo hank! Why you all wet anyway?" Still no response. Hawkeye put his spoonfull of pancake down ( Yes Hawkeye preferrs to eat his pancakes with a spoon. dont question it!) and fluttered his hands in front of Hanks face. " Earth to Hank! Are you in theeere!? Heeelloooooo!"

Hanks head snapped up " Hmm? Oh hey Clint, Didn't see you there. You should have said something."

Hawkeye sighed and decided to just drop it and eat his mancakes. YUm.

Dahak, Hercules, and Iolaus were making a scene over by the dishwasher. There was a bunch of floating silverware, mostly sharp lethal ones, pointed at a very stubborn Iolaus. Hercules demanded Dahak put them down before he is forced to do something drastic.

Everyone knew the smart thing to do was to just let the scene play out. But ofcourse Joxer thought he could intercede. Then it turned into an even bigger scene. A short distance away Ares was laughing histerically at them all, spilling orange juice all over the stove, it seeped down and began to puddle up on the floor.

T'Challa seated himself next to Hawkeye. Hawkeye was stuffing his face with so-called mancakes (as fast as he could with a spoon) watching Hank write his oh-so-boring report. He had syrup dribbling down his chin. He turned and scrutinized T'Challas breakfast.

"Bacon T'Challa? Really?"

"Do You have an Issue with Bacon?"

"No its just . . . . Hey what IS That!?" Hawkeye quickly pointed to a hand drifting down from the chandelier. T'Challa studied it. "It appears to be helping itself to Doctor Pyms fruit loops."

The hand was indeed picking at Hanks cereal.

Hawkeye started in his seat "Ho! T'Challa your bacon another ones got your bacon!" T'Challa pushed the plate away accidentally tipping it. The second hand attacked the food ferociously then chillingly locked its gaze onto T'Challas face. T'Challa moved his head slowly from left to right. It Followed.

"Whoah man it's got you marked!" Hawkeye said relieved and glad it wasnt him.

The first hand turned slowly toward Hawkeye and stared . . . . . just stared with milk dripping off its fingers. Hawkeye tensed up.

A lone Fruit loop dropped off the hand and hit the table. . . Hawkeye lost it.

"I'm outta here!"

When the second hand began to chew the bacon T'Challa gave in and followed after.

Hank, still oblivious reached for his morning coffee but managed to grab one of the hands instead. It bit him.

" Ow! Wha?!" He Yanked backwards and tumbled out of his chair. He struggled on the floor for a moment then peeked his head above the table. He had every intention of explaining to Hawkeye that biting people wasn't normal.

The hands hissed and lunged for his face. The sudden motion causes Jarem to roll off the chandelier and crash onto the table.

Jarem jerked awake. "NOOOOO Grandma NUT! You know I cant have that!" Hank stared as Jarem twitched around on the table making what seemed to be strange hacking noises. Then he went quiet.

Hank awkwardly stood there and tried to look busy by attempting to wipe away the wet butt print he had left on the wood chair from being soaked earlier. Maybe he should of changed his clothes. He ruined a perfectly good chair.

Jarem sat up and looked around crazily. He smiled at Hank. Hank hurridly clambered away.

Jarem got up off a bunch of crushed plates. He stretched. " Oooh That couldn't have been too great for my hip . . . " He wandered over to the cabinet to get some late breakfast. Him and Gambits destinations clashed and they had to do a little dance to get around eachother.

People stared at the pancake mushed on his back. He smiled and happily said good morning to them all, then he slipped and fell in a puddle of orange juice.

There was histerical laughter.


	2. Chapter 2

Thunder shook the mansion. Dahak especially liked thunder storms. He liked to watch the lightning nearly fry most unfortunate puny mortal civilians. Sometimes he even directed it toward them on purpose just for laughs.

"Dis storm don't seem to be lettin up." Gambit mentioned, shuffling his beloved pack of cards back and forth in his hands.

Dahak meerly grunted and floated up through the ceiling to go participate (and enjoy) before mentioned activities.

"Yeah and the backyard is flooding too." Iolaus had his face pressed up against the living room window. There was something bright orange bouncing around in the puddles.

Iolaus squinted to get a better look. He waved Hercules over. "Hey Herc what _is_ that out there?"

Herc leaned in to take a look nearly knocking Iolaus away with his muscle. "It's Harper doing some kind of rain dance."

"Oh yup thats it alright. Thanks Herc, that was bothering me." He stared for a few more seconds then quickly turned away. " Now that I know what it is I don't think i can watch much more of that."

Harper pirouetted like a spring flower in the rain, utterly oblivious to the scrutiny.

Joxer ran out the door to join.

Gambit reached to prevent Joxer from leaving but failed. " No please Mon Ami, Don't exacerbate the situation!"

Too late. Joxer was twirling around with Harper.

Ares was splayed out on the couch eating peanuts. " Don't worry, they'll be back in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1"

***CRASH* *BA-BOOM* **

Lighting flashed through the darkening sky, and the already heavy rain turned into an absolute downpour.

Joxer and Harper leaped 6 feet in the air and shrieked in unison. They ran headlong for the saftey of the house.

Joxer tripped and fell in a puddle. Harper somehow got turned around and couldn't tell left from right in the blinding rain. He did the best he could and ran every which way.

All the dudes huddled around the armchair to watch the disarray. They wondered who would make it to the door first. They started making bets.

Then they all scattered because Lara started waving her book around complaining that they were blocking her light and told them all to shove off.

Kurt decided the humane thing to do would be to go outside and get the poor drenched souls. He teleported out and brought them back dripping wet into the living room.

Iolaus II groaned. " I just finished blow drying the carpet!"

Jarem put what he thought was a reassuring hand on Iolaus II's shoulder. " No use crying over spilt coffee."

" It's spilt milk Jarem." Hawkeye corrected.

Jarem stared blankly.

Iolaus II looked around. " Well acually its water. . ."

Hawkeye face palmed.

"We should lock all doors and windows." T'Challa pointed out.

"Oh, Come on T'Challa you really think the storms gonna get that bad?" Hawkeye said.

"Acually I agree with T'Challa, we should also unplug everything." Hank added.

Hawkeye sighed. " You smart people are always on the same side!"

T'Challa looked at him. " Why thank you for the compliment, and since you are not on our side i guess that would make you stupid."

Hawkeye crossed his arms and growled.

Everyone stood there not quite knowing what to do with themselves. Until Ares, still sprawled on the couch started to amuse himself by throwing peanut shells in peoples hair.

"Wow your Flop hair really catches the peanuts well!" Joxer pointed out to Hank.

"My wha-?" he started to reply but was cut off by Hercules.

" Alright everyone, we need to get this hous-" A peanut shell hit him in the face. He cleared his throat. " As I was saying we need to get the house se-" another peanut shell hit him in the eye. He glared at Ares. Ares pretended not to notice.

" Secure, we need to lock the-" Six whole peanuts showered over him. " ARES! now is not the time! in fact there is never gonna be a time!" Hercules charged the couch.

Iolaus whispered to Harper " Wow i hardly ever see him get like this. It must be the peanut dust."

Ares laughed and poofed away before Herc reached him, sending the peanut bowl crashing to the floor. It Shattered sending glass everywhere.

Jarem ran in front of the mess with his hands up blocking it from everyone. " Nobody move! this is glass. This is a Hazard! noone is to move towards it in any manner whatsoever! its sharp! The hand puppets will come out! I repeat the handpuppets WILL come out! They will NOT hesitate to bite you!" He bent and started picking up the glass. The glass cut him immediatly.

"OW." He threw the pieces back down, resumed his stance and reminded them it was sharp. " Noone can touch this what are we gonna do?! well never get it cleaned up and we'll have a hazard here forever! and my handpuppets face is bleeding all over!" A teeny-tiny dot of blood appeared on jarems hand.

Lara got up, sweeped the glass into a dust pan and threw it out. She sat back down and continued her book.

Jarem stared blankley. " Well as i said before, no use crying over spilt tea."

" Its MILK!" hawkeye yelled in frustration.

" Acually it was glass . . ." Iolaus II pointed out.

Hawkeye facepalmed for the second time today.

Hercules began sending pairs to secure the house.

" . . . and Iolaus you have upstairs doody."

"Herc I know _someone _forgot to flush upstairs, It wasn't me, you _know_ I prefer bushes out-"

"Iolaus. . ."

"What?"

"Duty Iolaus ,not doody."

"Oh . . ." Iolaus ran to go lock some windows.


End file.
